Tag Archives: Humour

My prayer is a merry laughter

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My prayer is a merry laughter
in which I say: “Ha ha! Ha ha!”
I do not care what comes after.
My prayer is a merry laughter.
Life is but a yearning for the hereafter.
A hope to cancel nature’s law.
My prayer is a merry laughter
in which I say: “Ha ha! Ha ha!”

*Painting – “The Young Rembrandt as Democritus the Laughing Philosopher” by Rembrandt, 1629.

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*Nothing needed to assemble nothing church for nobodies

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The study of theology is the study of nothing. It is founded in nothing; it rests on no principles; it proceeds by no authorities; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing; and admits of no conclusion. Thomas Pain

Chicago (AP) – Roy Larson, religion writer for the Chicago Sun-Times, recently had a visitor at the newspaper. Gene Townsend wanted to talk to him about a new church.
“When I introduced myself, I was struck by his lack of enthusiasm. The reason soon became clear,” said Larson.
Their conversation went like this:
“I understand you’re starting a new church.”
“That’s right,” replied Townsend.
“What’s it called?”
“The Church of the Living Apathists.”
“What’s an apathist?”
“Someone who’s apathetic.”
“Why did you ask for the religion writer?” Larson asked.
“Because we’re religious apathists. We’re apathetic about religion. If we were apathetic about sports, I would have asked for the sports writer.”
“You said ‘we’. That means you’ve got some cohorts. Right?”
“Right.”
“Have you gotten yourselves organized?”
“We’ve had a few meetings. We’ve got the application blanks to organize as a not-for-profit corporation in Illinois.”
“Do you plan to file them?”
“I don’t know. So far we’ve been too apathetic. Besides, we don’t have an address. Or any money. And we never will.”
“Do you have any scriptures?”
“Yeah. It’s a book filled with blank pages.”
“What’s your chief symbol?”
“It’s a gray rectangle. It symbolizes nothing.”
“Are you the high priest or are there any ministers in your church?”
“A true priest in our faith would be one who wouldn’t show up for meetings.”
“Doesn’t that make you a phony? Why did you bestir yourself to come in and tell me about your new church?” asked Larson.
Townsend said: “I guess you’d have to say I’m not a true believer. I’m a borderline apathist.”
“Why did you come in?”
“I just happened to be walking by the building and decided to stop.”
“Do you plan to call any meetings to get your church under way?”
“We’re thinking about it.”
“How do you rate your chances of success?”
“Great. If we call a meeting, chances are no one will come. And that will mean the meeting is successful.”
“What’s your potential membership?”
“Already, I think 10 per cent of the American people are members. Maybe, it’s 100 per cent.”
“Just one more question. As you see it, what must I do to be saved?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“I see. Well, keep the faith, friend.”
“Thank you. And may the god of emptiness be with you.”

*This article was taken verbatim from “The Southeast Missourian”, January 30th, 1976. See here.

**Painting by Zdislav Beksinski

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Oh death, how sweet you are, you Queen of non-existence!

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Rejoice, I am dying! Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. Wave your arms in the air! Dance with stomping feet! Praise my return to nothingness! With each passing day and with each passing hour, I am getting closer to my grave. I am getting old and tired. I have approached the legal age of twenty-one but my mind has reached the ripe age of sixty-four and my soul has wandered around the multiverse for countless aeons, many infinitillions, nulillions, zebrillions, dandellions, jillions, sicillions, quadriltillions, lilmildillions, panrilfillions, bezdillions, gazillions, billions and millions of years. In my previous lives I was an angel, a Martian, a dinosaur, a mammoth, a priest, a poet, a philosopher, a drunkard, a martyr, a zealot, a harlot and an infinite number of more ideas, dreams and beings. But I was never a king, never a ruler, because I despise all power and all glory. Continue reading

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How far are you willing to go?

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Welcome, my friend! Welcome! You have come to the right place. I have been waiting for you. Look what I got for you! Look, look above you! Do you see? I made the skies for you. I made the stars for your eyesight. I made the sun to keep you warm. I made the wind to comb your hair. I made the water to quench your thirst. I made the apples for your mouth. I made flowers for your nose and and roads for your legs. I made the trees so that you may cut them down. I made animals for you to cook them. I made this planet for you. For you alone! Do whatever you want. Do whatever you like. Do what you feel like doing. It is yours. It is all yours. Everything you see. Here and beyond. All is yours. Take it. Feel as in home. Continue reading

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Probably the best post I have written so far

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Believe in me!

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Here’s a free piece of advice. You have to believe in yourself! In your story! Ups… those damn slips of the tongue, I mean, you have to believe in me! Yes, in me and my story that I am trying so hard to sell to you. Believe in me, so that you can make my dreams come true. I mean, who else, if not you, can change the world? Be the change you want to see in the world. Be me! You have to believe in me! I am me because of you. And you are you because of me. And if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then I am you and you are I. Twist it whatever way you want, but the fact remains that we are fundamentally inseparable from one another.
I receive daily ten thousand letters from all parts of the world asking me the same questions all over again and again. “Why are you so awesome?”, “How did you achieve your dreams?” and “What’s your formula for success?”. Since I cannot respond to each and every inquiry individually, my answer to you all collectively is this: “Believe in me!” It is really that simple. There is no need to think it through any further. No need to over-intellectualize or analyze beyond the obvious. You only have to remember this golden maxim and repeat it before going to bed every night: “Believe in me!” There are no conspiracy theories or monetary matters involved in here. I can assure you of that. Take my word for it. I have no hidden agendas and no ulterior motives. In fact, I have no self-interest at all in what I’m about to tell you. I only want to help people. I only want to help you. Believe in me. Continue reading

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How to end a story?

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There is this one question which hunts me like a werewolf in a full moon, namely: “How to end a story?” No, no, no… start all over again! You butchered it as always. Don’t talk like that with your audience, your readership or those millions-gazillions, tons, meters and foots. You have to personalize or at least to personify. Make it concrete. Be a little more precise. Use vivid and colorful imagery. Hypnotize and spellbind. Understood? Good. Woof. Woof. Now, continue. So where were we? Aah… One, two and go!
There is this one question which hunts me like a werewolf in a full moon, namely: “How to end MY story”? Yes. This is the correct semantic form and it rings so true. Very good. It is MY story. MY story. In capital letters. Majuscules. Sounds much better. Please, go on. Ride the wave of inspiration! Continue reading

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