1. God is a thought away from not existing.
2. Forgive those who believe in God for they don’t know what they are doing.
3. The bubble in which God lives bursts as soon as you touch it.
4. God is what happens when probability fails.
5. The chance happening is often mistaken for God.
6. God is an accident which theologian failed to explain.
7. Theologians first believe in God and then await what will happen.
8. What is obvious to a theologian, is obscure to everyone else.
9. God is a possibility from which theologian has made a necessity.
10. God is an uncertainty made certain by a theologian.
11. God is a performance by a theologian.
12. God is like a banana peel on which theologians slip.
13. All footprints of God belong to a man.
14. God is theologian’s hermeneutical key to unlock the mysteries of the Universe.
15. Mystery of God points to another mystery that is not God.
16. Humans are far too creative to be satisfied with the non-existence of God.
17. To create a new God one should abolish an old religion.
18. Modern theologian is a medieval witch born four centuries too late.
19. Bronze age deities today wear modern clothes.
20. Theologians fight against reason with a thought about God.
21. Challenge a theologian and you will find an agnostic.
22. Theologian is a thermometer of God.
23. To expose a theologian, ask for his spiritual advice.
24. The mind of a theologian is the Garden of Eden without the tree of knowledge.
25. Theologians cling to God like fruits cling to the tree. When the fruit is ripe, it falls. When the theologian is ripe, he falls too and becomes an atheist.
26. To a theologian God’s absence signifies his presence.
27. When you ask a theologian to present evidence about the existence of God, he will give evidence about the existence of something else, not God.
28. If the existence of God would be possible, his non-existence would be probable.
29. Belief in God is an accident of nature.
30. Miracles happen in the village of a priest, not in the laboratory of a scientist.
31. Science does not disprove God. It disproves religion.
32. To a theologian his own beliefs seem entirely reasonable and scientific.
33. God is a suspended madness waiting to explode.
34. Theologians perceive their mental disease as an inspiration and wisdom.
35. To a theologian his own insanity is a sign of good health.
36. Theologians universalize their subjective experience of God to an objective reality.
37. From the single premise that “I have faith in God” theologian jumps to the multifaceted conclusion that “God exists and my faith is right”.
38. There are too many gods for all of them to be true.
39. Faith in God is a personal account of someone else’s subjective experience which no one can access.
40. Theologians trust other people’s stories about God. Their belief in God is sustained by various prophets of the past, mystics of the present and hopes of tomorrow.
41. Belief in God involves trusting other believers.
42. The experience of God is another belief about God.
43. Theologian tries to prove the existence of God by pointing to his lack of experience of God.
44. If you have found God, it doesn’t mean that God exists. It only means that something, that you have named God, exists in your experience.
45. To a theologian his experience is synonymous with truth.
46. To a theologian truth is only an opinion except when it comes to God.
47. Theologians have their own truth which they call God.
48. The experiences of God are the repressed beliefs and silent desires of a theologian.
49. If a theologian fails to prove his God, he blames an atheist for his failure.
50. Proofs for the existence of God are only proofs for the believers.
51. God is theologian’s subjective fancy which colors his perception of everything else.
52. When God appears to you, invite others to meet him as well. If God appears to others but not to you, you have a reason to celebrate your atheism.
53. Modern theologians want to outgrow their churches. If they succeed, they become atheists.
54. Theologians demand that their views are being respected and tolerated, though they have little respect and even less tolerance for those who disagree with them.
55. Modern theologian in his religious identity finds himself closer to atheists and agnostics than his fellow believers.
56. Modern theologian is one god away from becoming an atheist.
57. Modern theologians have left their duties to God.
58. Religion is a Ponzi scheme.
59. If God could save anyone, he would save atheists, not believers.
60. To speak about God is to be misunderstood.
61. All definitions of God are truisms.
62. Theology is metaphysical bungee jumping.
63. Theologians defend themselves against the attacks of reason by escaping the argument and begging the question.
64. If a theologian speaks clearly he is a closet atheist.
65. The goal of a theologian is to be misunderstood by others. A successful theologian is always misunderstood.
66. If your God is beyond language, then why are you talking about him?
67. If your God is love, then why call it God? Call it love.
68. Behind one God sit many people.
69. Religion legitimates ignorance and falsehood.
70. Theologians quote Scriptures to create an impression of knowledge.
71. Theological books are actually meant for children, that is to say, for other theologians.
72. If no one shares theologian’s beliefs, he becomes either an atheist or a prophet.
73. If one belongs to a religious group, God appears greater than one’s own beliefs about him.
74. Congregation of believers create an illusion in the mind of a believer that God is greater than the individual.
75. A group of believers validate and enhance each other’s beliefs to a point where it seems like their beliefs become indistinguishable from the reality outside their group.
76. Faith of an isolated believer succumbs to the pressures of reality.
77. A lonely and secluded theologian is an unhappy closet atheist.
78. Belief in God requires a constant effort and artificial struggle against truth and reason. Atheism comes naturally.
79. It is easy to become an atheist, it is difficult to maintain one’s faith in God.
80. It is easy to become an atheist, it is difficult to remain a believer.
81. There is something admirable in the stubbornness of faith.
82. In the face of an absolute lack of evidence for the existence of God, the resilience and perseverance of a believer seems almost like an act of heroic self-sacrifice and opposition.
83. If a theologian admits that his religion is a superstition and his God is an idol, he becomes an atheist.
84. Theologians stop before God. Atheists either search further or do not search at all.
85. When it comes to the gods of the past, all theologians are atheists.
86. Atheists want to save people from God, while theologians want to save God from the people.
87. Church is a place where to derive amusement from theologians for free.
88. If theologians agree among each other it is because an atheist is in the room.
89. Atheism provokes agreement between different religions. Inter-religious dialogue is what happens when atheism starts reigning over the world.
90. Ecumenical movement is an alliance against atheism.
91. God’s chosen people are those who have abandoned him.
92. Give God a little finger, and he’ll disappear.
93. Invite God for a cup of tea, and he’ll never show up.
94. Angels rejoice when a theologian becomes an atheist.
95. Books like Alice in Wonderland and Little Prince in the hands of a theologian become Theologian in Wonderland and Little Theologian.
96. Religious service is the theater of absurd.
97. God is a worm that is put on theologian’s fishhook.
98. Jesus died as a believer in God so that we can live as atheists.
99. In the eyes of a theologian, atheists appear as narrow-minded philistines.
100. When God becomes private, atheism becomes public.